


nowhere else but with you

by Saraste



Series: Holiday ficlets 2016 [11]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 2016 Holiday Ficlets, Cooking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Self-Recrimination, christmas day, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 22:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8818567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saraste/pseuds/Saraste
Summary: Sirius might not be quite the man Remus knew and loved, but he'll be damned if he'll spend Christmas with anyone else.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I may have stoles Remus calling Sirius "Pads" from some fic I've read. Maybe. Anyone have a clue?

They spend that first Christmas together on the run, even Remus, who has the choice not to be on the run. But not to be is to be sitting in some ramshackle flat, working on some low-pay Muggle job, without Sirius. And twelve years without, twelve Christmases without were quite enough, even tinged with anxiety as they were. There were invites to old friends for Christmas Dinner, those first early years but they fizzled out and all Remus had been left were the lonely Christmases when he might have something special for dinner on Christmas Day, and think about everything that had gone wrong for him. It was hard living in a world which forgot, in a world which shunned your kind, even if they might not know for sure, somehow even harder to live in the Muggle world.

 

Materially, this Christmas with Sirius might not be that wonderful, but it has Sirius in it, which makes up for everything that's lacking.

 

Sirius plays with Remus' overgrown hair as they read a letter from Harry together, the missive bringing a smile to both their faces. It's enough to know the boy is safe and content for now, even if his taking part in the tournament is a distinct worry always nagging at the both of them.

 

'D'you regret not… well, being in you old life, could have a better Christmas?' Sirius asks later, as they're putting together a meagre Christmas Dinner.

 

Remus scoffs. 'What old life? My old life was barely making a living in the Wizarding world because I am who I am, even if most don't know it outright, or choosing to live hand to mouth in the Muggle world.' He looks down, pretending to be engrossed in his task of mashing potatoes. It'll be their supper along with some ham and canned peas. Sadly no pudding, well, real pudding, there's some chocolate, there's always chocolate for the nightmares plaguing Sirius. 'My old life didn't have you in it, did it?' he says soft, regretful.

 

Strong fingers grip his chin and lift it, and he meets Sirius' haunted eyes. 'Remus…'

 

Sirius doesn't say: “ _If only I'd had my head back then, if only I hadn't ran after Peter, things might be different, would have been different._ ” “ _I should never have doubted you_ ,” Remus does not say, either. Sirius because Remus thinks he can't or won't think about the past like that and Remus himself because he has spent twelve years thinking that he might have done a horrible mistake in doubting Sirius, Sirius' innocence always a fickle thing in his thoughts, going round and round.

 

Remus takes hold of Sirius hand on his chin, covering it with his own. 'I wouldn't be anywhere else but with you. I love you.'

 

Sirius presses his lips to Remus' and kisses him, making it feel like the lost twelve years are washed away and they're again the young bright things they once were, before betrayal and death ripped them apart, before Dementors stole much of the Sirius Remus knew then, giving back this broken man who never grew up properly. Remus kisses back, not caring that he is spending his Christmas in an empty Muggle holiday cottage somewhere in Wales, eating less than a grown man ought because Sirius needs it more, not caring that Sirius is broken in some ways, as he still _is_ Remus' Sirius in some ways, in almost all the ways which matter. 

 

'Love you, Moony,' Sirius whispers into the air between their lips as they come apart. 

 

Remus smiles. 'Love you too, Pads.'

 

That Christmas Dinner is the best Remus remembers having  in years .


End file.
